ON GRIEF FOR A CAT NAMED GEORGE

ON GRIEF FOR A CAT NAMED GEORGE

With every rustle in the kitchen

I search the floor for your arrival

The plates and bowls clatter

And the cupboard door groans and squeaks

But you’re not there

I cannot hear your voice

I cannot see your image

Even though I call your name

Even though I mistakenly call your brother by your name

And quickly correct myself

Even though your name drifts through my mind

And I say nothing

Still the memory of your image floats across my eyes

If I close my eyes I can see you 

And if I listen carefully I hear your voice

Clearly. Loudly.

But you are not here

Later

I feel you jump up on the bed

I hear you scratch on the door 

And then

I call your name for no reason

So I fill the bowl full of food for two cats

But there’s only your brother to eat for both of you

You are not hear

You are only in my heart

And in my mind

Later

We eat our meal in peace

No one tries pull our sausages off our plate

No one tries to grab the fork as it leaves the plate

We eat our meal in peace

No one tries to grab the cheesie from my fingers

Your brother just watches us politely

And we wish you were there pestering us for food and snacks

And we wish we were yelling at you to leave us alone 

And we wish we were taking you outside for some cage time

But you are not hear

And it’s painfully obvious

But not just to us

In the middle of the night your brother looks for you

He searches the house and looks out the window

He calls your name

He looks out the windows

He wanders the rooms

And even looks in the fireplace

But you’re not hear

Most of all we miss how you snuggled up to us so close

How you loved to be loved

How we loved to love you

How you were a best friend

Even with all your faults

Now

We don’t see them

We don’t see you

Even tho

We look for you everywhere and nowhere

Our hearts are overwhelmed because you left so suddenly

Even though we know it was getting close

We thought we were ready

But we weren’t

So we cried and sobbed

We wept all night and even now as I write in grief

Because we love you still

Because we know you’re gone

We don’t want to let go

We resist

Because you were the most loving cat we’ve ever known

And our grief has just begun

And knows no end

Because we loved you

And you’re not here

But we are.